Land Down Under

Travelling in a 747
With two rat kids, the opposite of heaven
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
Turns out she was just the air hostess

And she said,

“You’re heading back to the land down under?
To meet your new niece, what a wonder!
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
Please return your seat to the upright position, the seatbelt sign is illuminated and we’re about to pass through a pocket of turbulence.”

Buying bread from a man in Clifton Hill
He was six foot four and full of mad bakery skills
I said, “Do you know how to make bread that DOESN’T have century eggs embedded within?”
He just smiled and said, “Der.”

Then he said,

“I come from a land down under
Where the thought of a century egg makes men chunder
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
It’s my lunch coming up.  Just thinking about the century egg.”

Lying on the floor in Coburg
In front of the heater so I’m not an iceberg.
I said to myself,  “This is pretty sweet
Because I’m used to being sweaty from my head to my feet.”


“Oh! We come from a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover.”

That’s right, the Kings are back in the Oz house for a limited return season, and when not lamely reinterpreting Men At Work lyrics we are delighting in our new niece, Evie Margaret; playing in the winter sun; and eating lots of pies and snot blocks.

Normal posting quota is currently being hampered by too much of the abovementioned lying in front of heaters eating snot blocks, not to mention a complete lack of wireless internet.  Every time I want to go to the internet cafe I have to bribe my kid with one of those massive Smartie biscuits.  This very upload cost me, immediately, a hot chocolate the size of his head; and probably, in the future, $3,000 at the orthodontist.

Shit.  When I calibrate it like that, in terms of return, this is the WORST POST EVER!

So in the interests of dentitial hygiene, I am going to write all my posts in Notepad at the moment for later uploading.  It’s the way of the future.  The dentist-approved future.

Hooroo, yours etc,
J.K. King.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Toni says:

    HA the lyrics are so much better than the original. Even the words ‘century egg’ make me feel a little queasy. My husband is working in the Philippines and says the bread is green and sweet. But no eggs in it.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Green?? Our helper is from the Philippines so I’m starting to get used to the food. It’s quite good actually. But she hasn’t broken out the green bread yet. Hong Kong bread is just so sweet and gross. All buttery.

  2. LMAO!! I’m sitting here in Borders laughing out loud at your lyrics. Thank you for that! I don’t know what a century egg is but I can imagine. Glad you’re having fun, if freezing. Enjoy your holiday!

  3. jadeluxe says:

    I’ve never had a century egg and I really don’t think I ever will, because:

    “Century egg, also known as preserved egg, hundred-year egg, thousand-year egg, thousand-year-old egg, and millennium egg, is a Chinese cuisine ingredient made by preserving duck, chicken or quail eggs in a mixture of clay, ash, salt, lime, and rice hulls for several weeks to several months, depending on the method of processing. Through the process, the yolk becomes a dark green, cream-like substance with a strong odour of sulphur and ammonia, while the white becomes a dark brown, transparent jelly with little flavour.”

  4. Lara says:

    Thank you, now i’ll have that song in my head for the rest of the day, with new improved lyrics! And whenever I take a plane, Leaving on a Jetplane wont even get a hum anymore. Enjoy the Melbourne winter!

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