My Royal Prophecy

Has anyone else noticed the uncanny similarities between my lifestyle and that of Crown Princess Mary of Denmark? You will, after seeing the irrefutable evidence I’m about to present.

We’re both living in foreign lands with a staff (sure, mine consists of one underpaid domestic helper, while she has a battalion ranging from under-butler to gardener). We both live in castles (as long as the adage about ‘a man’s home is his castle’ is literal, which it was obviously intended to be). She’s mastered Danish, a complex and guttural Germanic tongue; and I know how to command a taxi in Cantonese, with the help of lots of pointing.

So far, so convincing. But in case more proof is needed, how about this.

In our youth, we were both brunettes with a penchant for halter-neck tops. Our hair hasn’t evolved much, but our necklines have. Also she’s lost about 15kg. Whatev.

We both married dark and dashing gallants.

Our wedding kisses were eerily similar. (As was the attire of our guests. At Mary and Frederik’s wedding, Queen Margrethe wore a voluminous pink floral ballgown; one of the relatives at our wedding wore a windcheater, but it was okay because "He works for the council"??).

During our pregnancies, I think you can agree we both maintained immaculate style.

Our firstborns were both huge, golden-haired sons. They are even born exactly one year and one day apart.

Prince Christian’s first birthday celebration was decorated with Danish flags, and Rufus’s with $2 helium balloons from the servo, but the spirit was the same.

After a respectable interval, Mary and I each gave birth to comparatively scrawny, blue-eyed, monkey-looking daughters.


It was about this time I began to feel that one of us was trying too hard to emulate the other, so I deviated from the path by never regaining my figure or polish – and she fell for it! Look at her, the idiotic lithe fool! SUCKED IN, MARY!

And then came the news from Copenhagen that Mary’s expecting twins. In one fell swoop, she’s determined my destiny. We always thought we’d have four kids. But not twins, no way. I’d need a couple more domestic helpers, and a tailor, for a start. My wardrobe can only just barely accommodate the devastation wreaked upon my figure by two babies.

So, Mary, it’s been a privilege, but you’re on your own. You keep going – I’m staying here. Sure, bad shorts and thongs abound, but you’ll always have more stretchmarks than me. In my dreams.


22 Comments Add yours

  1. Toni says:

    I actually know her sister-in-law. (this is the closest I’ve ever got to meeting someone famous)
    And I nearly know you. Sort of.

    So there you go … another eerie connection!

    1. jadeluxe says:

      It’s just rock-solid! We’re definitely the same person! 😉

  2. Judy says:

    Hi Jade,
    Am not always able to read your posts, but sitting over here in Saudi Arabia, the allusion to royalty in your header made opening it irresistable. Thanks for starting my day with a smile 😉

    1. jadeluxe says:

      What are you doing in Saudi? I thought you lived in SK…

      I wonder why you can’t always read my posts. If it’s a website problem, please let me know. I’m new to WordPress and I’m sure I’ve got some bad code lying around…

      Glad to have provided the smile 🙂

  3. Rhiannon says:

    Love it! 🙂
    I’ve often contemplated this exact same thing! This is my list.
    Me and Mary both:
    – Picked up our European husbands in a pub
    – Have a boy and a girl
    – Have lost our mothers
    – Speak foreign languages (Danish/Flemish, same same, both useless)
    – have brown hair
    – worked in real estate
    Compelling huh? But, gawd, I don’t want twins either!!!
    HRH Rhi

    1. jadeluxe says:

      YRH Rhi.
      You are way more Maryish than me! But for the sake of this post, let’s pretend I also worked in real estate and properly speak a foreign language. And also that my husband isn’t as Oz as they come.
      I remain your royal cousin,
      HRH Jade.

  4. Jared Smith says:

    I always knew the truth. And that picture of you and Jonty is adorable!

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Lovely old Mont. Did you see that Herschelle is no more? 😦

      1. Jared Smith says:

        😮 No! That’s horrible. Monty finally got his revenge?

  5. The most famous person I ever met was the ABC gardening identity Kevin Heinze. I was at primary school and he gave me some sprout seeds. On occasion, I think I may look like him as well and especially after a rough late night. Thank you for reading my blog. I’ve very much enjoyed reading yours…
    Cheers, julia

  6. jadeluxe says:

    Ashamed to say I had to Google him. Even with an image search, I still don’t recognise him! What sort of Aussie am I! (Well, I’m not a bad Aussie…shitty gardener though…

    When I was in primary school the wife of then American vice-president Dan Quayle came to plant a tree in the garden. We were all cordoned off at the other side of the oval, about 100 metres away from the action. We couldn’t even see her. There were Secret Service guys with machineguns on the roof of the schools. That was my brush with someone “famous” at primary school. At least you got seeds out of your experience, and the chance to eat sprouts knowing they weren’t fertilised in human excrement! (I still can’t stomach them…)

    Got so much enjoyment out of your posts – happy to return the favour 🙂

  7. Oh I love it. You and Mary are clearly soul sisters. And lucky you, you don’t have to give birth to twins, or worry about the scary mother-in-law …

  8. Meredith says:

    Kevin Heinze was wonderful… I remember seeing him on TV when I was about ten, talking about his little girl who had died. He showed a letter she had written him in lots of coloured pencils… it was my first brush with real-life tragedy.

  9. Veronica says:

    It’s spooky, the resemblance. Hehe.

  10. Christie says:

    The resemblance is undeniable! Never say never though when it comes to the twins! LOL

  11. Wise move to back away from Mary’s footsteps right now … at least until you move into that castle! Very funny post.

  12. Uncanny!!

  13. Christie says:

    *Bows in reverence*
    It was an honour to read this! haha Classic!

  14. Brenda says:

    Hilair post!

    Thanks for participating in the carnival.

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