Just on specs…

When I got my drivers licence, I was 18 and a knob.  Doing the eyetest afterwards, I was like “S F D T U, P R X V, E A O, I N, Made in China, Distributed in Australia by, Sign Enterprises Inc, Ringwood.”  The guy was like “I’ve never tested anyone who could read the superscript at the bottom of the poster.”  Also, “That bit obviously isn’t part of the test, and you’re a knob.”  Was I even bothered, I had my licence whoooooo!  And I drove out of that joint in my bright yellow Telstar (with roofracks), obnoxiously reading signs in the far distance all the way home.

Year 12 hadn’t quite finished yet.  I think we were still in exams.  My friend Niki and I used to catch the Moonee Ponds to Alphington bus together, but now that I had my licence, I offered to pick her up from the bus stop and drive her to school.  With my two-day-old licence, I strapped in, my brown-and-blue tartan school dress and fawn knee socks complementing the canary duco magnificently.  Imagining the look of jealousy on all our co-students’ faces as we pulled swiftly through the West Brunswick traffic, without the usual morning transit concerns of lost student passes, surly fellow commutees, rival schools’ students inflammatory foot-on-seat manoeuvres, and bus driver blaring the radio news in Italian.

In the event the only looks on their faces were ones of hysteria and disbelief as I smashed into the gutter, mounted the kerb and came to a halt, cruelly, against the very timetable pole.  Niki, looking ahead stonily, said she’d be right catching the bus but I made her get in.  If I had to drive to school with myself, then so did she.  BFFs 4 lyf!

(For concerned readers, Niki survived the drive and, against the odds, has gone on and managed to do very well for herself.)

In the following 14 years, early bus-stop-destroying incidents aside, I have enjoyed a spotless driving record which I attributed mainly to my keen eyesight and ability to see impending obstructions from a distance of 3 kilometres.

But a couple of months ago, my eyes started to go really bad.  I couldn’t see the screen of my work computer.  I couldn’t spot people I knew walking towards me (awkward).  I established that I am the least accomplished ‘Draw Something’ player in the history of smartphone apps and in all probability the paper predecessor, Pictionary.

A trip to the optometrist last week confirmed that my eyesight is now significantly diminished, with myopia and astigmatism in both eyes.  Sitting in the examination chair sadly absorbing the news, experiencing with clarity the realisation of aging, the optometrist moved in with a crushing blow:  “Would you like Transitions lenses?”  Do I look like a person who would wear fucking Transitions lenses?  (With all apologies to people I know with Transitions lenses.  This reminds me of that time I posted a really long post about the bogan hairclip I wear all the time inside the house, AKA…

…and all these people commented along the lines of “Why is that a bogan hairclip?  What’s bogan about it?  I always wear those hairclips to work.”

People reading this who have both Transitions lenses and the above hairclip may as well unsubscribe.  There’s nothing I can do to redeem myself from here.)

It’s hard to choose glasses!  Especially when you have a really wide upper face.  The bottom half of my face is quite normal, I’ve always thought, but you have to admit the top half is abnormally horizontally generous.

In the end I’ve gone with these ones.

They’re black, so they match my bogan hairclip.  Note that they haven’t improved the clarity of my reverse-selfy taking.

Someone has already told me I look like Buddy Holly which isn’t quite the “nerdy science brunette” look I was going for.  Not even on the right track really.


Buddy/me.


Not Buddy/me.

Sight-wise, while my long-distance vision is restored, things up close are very confusing.  I have no depth perception, things that should be squared off (like stairs) are now rounded, and today I walked right off the edge of a ledge without realising the floor had stopped.  I also feel like I am around 40 centimetres tall, and as if I am walking on my knees (ie the bottom part of my legs has disappeared).  Is this normal?  How long should it take to get used to wearing glasses?  Is my VicRoads licence tester from all those years ago in retributory collusion with Michael Cheuk Optometry, Sai Kung?

Any advice for a novice glasses wearer accepted gratefully.  Can offer very realistic performance of Peggy Sue in return.

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49 Comments Add yours

  1. Bree says:

    haa love your blog x but i totally think you look beautiful Jade whatever you had on, cause I love your hair , your skin, your eyes.. whoaw crazy sister inlaw vibe ? xx difference between pretty and beautiful and your def beautiful ask my bro x

    1. jadeluxe says:

      thanks bree! x don’t believe it, but he does make me feel like that! i am so lucky!

  2. Kerstin says:

    I always thought I have eagle vision. Until I went to have my eyes checked when I was 24 and it turns out I didn’t. Astigmatism, just like you. I had to laugh when I read your post, because I felt the exact same way when I first got my glasses. I thought I was disappearing into the ground. The good news – it only takes about a week for your eyes to adjust 😉

    1. jadeluxe says:

      yes, in a way i feel cheated because my eyes were supposed to have always been so good! as opposed to just average 😉 and yes, i have already pretty much adjusted to the glasses!

  3. Robbie says:

    I just had to get glasses to wear all the time. My 5 yr old was not thrilled about picking them out with me…so I had only myself to rely on.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      yeah it was really daunting trying to choose from the thousands of pairs for the first time! i think i chose too hastily to be honest. oh well i’ve got years to get it right 🙂

  4. tara pohlkotte says:

    I too was 18 when I got my license. well, the second test…ran over a curb the first one 🙂 at least it wasn’t at a bus-stop 🙂 as for the glasses? I love them. I have a narrow face that makes it unkind to the popular throw back glasses…sigh. I guess the likes of you will be out there rockin’ them for me…

    1. jadeluxe says:

      i’m jealous of your narrow face. do you know how many (obviously cheap) pairs of sunglasses i’ve snapped from sheer horizontal force? 😉

  5. I think you look smashing. And please stay away from cliffs until you’ve mastered the whole “knowing there’s a ledge” thing.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Cheers, SG. I’m clumsy enough with or without glasses so I do tend to stay away from cliffs anyway 😉

  6. scribme says:

    I think they look great! Just don’t disappear into an actual bottomless pit because you assume it’s just your glasses screwing with you.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Thanks! I’ve taken to carrying a couple of muesli bars around in my handbag in case I get stranded down holes 😉

  7. raisingivy says:

    Well, you look great in them! I wore glasses/contacts for thirty-two years before I had my eyes lasered, so I’m getting used to not wearing them and to having freaking perfect vision! Weird. My driving record may even improve. . .

    1. jadeluxe says:

      I’m already thinking about laser!! I don’t know if I can deal with glasses all day every day, especially in Hong Kong when it’s sooooooo hot…I can just imagine them slipping off my face all day…

      1. raisingivy says:

        Oh they’re awful in hot weather, and they’re even more awful in cold weather because they fog up every time you walk in and out of a heated building.

  8. Mayor Gia says:

    Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve had terrible vision my whole life and it’s no fun at all.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      At least I had those years of denial where I thought I had good vision 😉

  9. librajenn says:

    Oh glasses. Had ’em since I was 8. My only advice is to take good care of them because they are so freakin’ expensive. Also? Get prescription sunglasses. They rock.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      The good thing about living in China: EVERYTHING, included glasses, is really cheap. Which is good because I am sure to break them about every two weeks.

  10. mamamzungu says:

    I too prided myself on my eye sight (the only one in my family without specs). But at about 28 I realized I wasn’t able to focus while reading as well as I liked. So, I got my first pair of glasses. And there’s just such a “style opportunity” here Jade! You’re rocking the sexy librarian thing just fine – buddy holly comparisons aside. I felt infinitely cooler in specs.

  11. I try not to brag about my good vision because I figure I have about 10 years before it goes bad and I have to get glasses (both parents started out with reading glasses at age 40 and they didn’t spend their entire teens and 20’s staring at computer screens all day long). I do like the glasses you chose. And now I want to know what the American equivalent of the words ‘knob’ and ‘bogan’ are…..

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Hmm, I’ve had this discussion with Americans before. I think a bogan is somewhat like a redneck, but not quite the same. A knob is just a…wanker? Or an arrogant loser? I dunno 🙂 Not flattering, anyway! Like, a politician that you don’t like, you’d call them a knob. Good luck avoiding the specs!

  12. I too have black glasses and I like to think they make me look like Tina Fey—might be a stretch but who knows? Anyway, I like the look and people with perfect vision can all get together and talk about how perfect they are except for the fact that they think perfect vision is a big deal. ; ) Erin

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Haha, nice one Erin. I’m sure you look just like Tina Fey and are just as funny too! 😉

  13. Delilah says:

    I am farsighted and Mr.McHunky is nearsighted. It’s a crapshoot as far as our poor,unfortunate children are concerned. Poor kids. They might end up needing those really thick glasses that my high school valeldictorian wore. I really hope that’s not the case. It could be worse, they could’ve inherited webbed toes or excessive facial hair….not that I have either of those things….

    1. jadeluxe says:

      If you’re farsighted and he’s nearsighted, it’ll probably balance out and the kids will always have perfect vision! With or without webbed toes and excessive facial hair 😉

  14. My advice? Get contacts. I started wearing glasses full time at 19 and I’m not a fan. But I can’t wear my contacts all the time, so I’m forced to wear them. Transitional lenses: that part cracked me up!!

    1. jadeluxe says:

      I know, Transitions lenses, WTF? I really hate those things. I will definitely get contacts eventually. It’s far too hot here most of the year to have glasses stuck on your face, I would have thought…

  15. Ado says:

    Oh this is funny.
    PS: I have both the glasses and the banana clip, I confess.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Ado, we all have the clip. LOVE THE CLIP 🙂

  16. Susan says:

    oy, same issue. i’ve finally come to terms with glasses but i will most definitely take you up on that rendition of peggy sue.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Great song actually. I was surprised how many of his songs I knew when I was doing my *cough* “research” for this post.

  17. dadofthedecade says:

    I have no advice, other than it gets better. When I first went into trifocals, I fell down the stairs leaving the optometrist. That kinda sucked.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Sucked for the optometrist more than you I would have thought! 😉

  18. My advice is to just stop wearing them. I was prescribed glasses nearly 10 years ago. They sucked. I never wore them. So far no one has died.

    I have the same bogan hair clips for around the house. Usually I can’t find them though because I can’t see further than 3 inches in front of my face

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Love it!
      You know what, the last two or three days I pretty much haven’t worn them (it’s just not a habit yet) and no-one has died here either!
      I make sure I always have a bogan hairclip handy. One next to the bed, one in my makeup bag etc. You just never know when you’re going to need one (*cough* always).

  19. I think you’re adorable, period. This walking on knees experience sounds bizarre. You must feel like a toddler!

    (I’ve been shortsighted with astigmatism since I was 9. That’s 26 years. I have been wisely wearing contacts for 18 years, and after this baby is born and I’m done breastfeeding, I’m getting laser surgery!)

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Ooh I can’t wait to hear how the laser goes. I want it already, and I’ve only had the glasses a week 😉

  20. I had to switch to daily contacts because my eyes had apparently changed shape. This was a significantly expensive change, but at least I still get to keep wearing contacts.

    Your glasses look nice 🙂

    1. jadeluxe says:

      🙂 Thanks.
      Your eyes had changed shape? That can even happen?? I’m so uninformed about optometry!

  21. Oh I’m dreading the day (I know it’s coming) when I’ll have to start wearing glasses. It’s not that I mind glasses, I don’t. I think they’re gorgeous! It’s that I use my sunglasses as a hairband, and I can’t do that with actual glasses! I’ll have to start using a bogan (?) hairclip instead. Which I’ve done a lot of in the past, but I don’t feel worthy anymore.

    Good luck getting used to them – I love the Buddy Holly look myself.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Not to worry, I do the same thing and I’ve already absently used my glasses as a headband a few times. What are you gonna do 🙂

  22. I have worn glasses since I was eight. You get used to them pretty quick.
    I remember not seeing depth, when I first wore them, it was scary. The more you wear them, the more you get used to it. It has happened many times that I´m caught looking for my glasses while wearing them..
    Good choice by the way.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Yes, I’ve already done that! It’s like a whole new world that I’m slowly being initiated into… Glad to hear others have had the same experience with the missing depth perception. I was beginning to think I had the wrong prescription for a few days there. But I have adjusted now I think. Thanks for the comment 🙂

  23. Love your storytelling. It’s is descriptive without being boring.

    And the glasses sometimes take a week or two.

    1. jadeluxe says:

      Thanks Susie, that’s nice of you to say – that’s the aim I guess, don’t be boring!! 😉

  24. Ash says:

    I don’t have any glasses advice, but I love that pic of you in your specs. You look fabulous! it must be horrible to go from seeing so clearly to missing ledges and depths, but you still manage to laugh and be positive. Happy Blog Carnival!

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