The best thing happened today – Zadie and I got locked in the disabled toilet at Shatin IKEA! I shouted the roof off until I attracted the attention of an elderly cleaning guy who spoke NO English, and then yelled all the following stuff in panicked Canto: “Cannot open the door la! My daughter and I stay in toilet! Don’t go away! YOU HELP ME? Do you have a colleague who speaks English? My speak Chinese so bad! Put your key under! HELP!”
The “best” part of it was when Zadie realised I was only speaking in Chinese, she shouted her own contribution: “Yau mo gau cho ah!” – which is an offensive way to say “Are you fucking kidding me?” and OBVIOUSLY the first thing I taught her.
Despite the barrage of frantic, at times irrelevant and insulting invective, ultimately the old guy jemmied the lock with a coin, the door sprung open, and I fell on top of him in gratitude – in front of 65 stunned diners at the area noodle joint.
What, you’ve never seen a weeping gweipo fall out of a toilet and crush an innocent minimum-wage worker before?
Aiyaaaah! So tragedy la!